Ironic Confessions

Funny how things work out in life. Such as learning that a fault line runs directly under where you live. Or hearing that your laptop was stolen, but then returned within the few hours you were away at work. My favorite though is the phone call I received days after my last blog post—but from a bank I had become convinced was a dead end (in fact, the bank I was expecting to call me decided that a “possible temporary” leave next summer for an internship disqualified me).

Along with that step towards adulthood, I also received my first credit card. Awesome. Another tool to aid in the downward spiral known as debt. So far, I’m fighting against temptation. However, my first trial in resisting came about a few days ago when I had an epiphany.

Ever since e-readers (like the Kindle) came out on the market, I believed it was an egregious amount of money to enjoy something I could do for less than $5 a book (assuming of course, such books are bought used/”previously owned” from bargain bookstores—my current favorite is Half-Price Books). I still love reading books in their physical format, but I’ve begun to see the value of having everything in one place, readily accessible and easily portable (provided one buys an appropriate size for such purpose). After having most of my books boxed up in a storage unit over 1100 miles away, I came to the conclusion that I needed to re-evaluate my opinion of e-readers. But because I’m a geek who likes to dabble in a little bit of everything, an e-reader just won’t cut it. No sir. I need something with more power and adaptability than my cell phone, but more portable than my laptop. Answer? Tablet PCs.

Oh goody. Another toy to buy myself. I must say that I enjoy buying toys for myself. Especially of the gadget variety (I admit that I enjoy shopping for kitchen gadgets). And now that I have a job (finally!), I have some extra cash to burn.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

REALITY CHECK! I can’t just spend my (new) hard-earned money on a spur-of-the-moment decision! (Student loans and credit card purchases are also a detriment in my “spend cash” desire.) Well, now what? The idea has been planted in my head, and once I become attached to an idea (or book, movie, TV show, comfortable clothes, time off from work), it’s nearly impossible for me to let it go. Yes, I obsess. This is something I’ve known about myself ever since my friend labeled me as a fangirl. (I also admit that I knew I obsessed before I was told that, but I just didn’t want to admit it.)

Okay, so I can’t splurge. Next best option? Save up the money until I can afford it, obviously. Which led to the most ironic thing I’ve done all year: spending my entire day off from work to dabble in Excel using VBA in order to create a “budget calculator”. I confess that I rarely enjoyed the programming classes I had to take for my CS minor. I believed that programming was something I would never willingly do during my down time, let alone enjoy. This “budget calculator” proved me wrong. I actually turned down an opportunity for free food in order to continue working on this Excel file I had become immersed in. It was, dare I say it, fun! Not only did I get to dabble in math, but I also had the chance to implement some of the ideas I learned from my OOP class. I’m quite pleased with the result, but there is still room for improvement. Even more astonishing, I’m looking forward to improving it and having it do so much more than calculate a budget while creating “fund tables” for future purchases (such as a car and, of course, a tablet) and a savings account. I haven’t geeked out this much since my weeks studying for the SOA/CAS Exam 1/P actuary CBT. Quite a refreshing feeling I have missed in my summer of solitude.

These numbers are made up. In no way do they reflect my real-life earnings (as can be seen from the futuristic dates in the pics to the left and below). But basically, for my "budget calculator", all I need to do is enter the correct numbers in the two yellow boxes (in the pic above) and press that "Save" button. The VBA I slaved over then inserts new rows into the corresponding tables while maintaining a nice, thick outside border.

It's not as cohesive as I would like yet, nor is it quite multi-purposeful yet. My dream would be to make this calculator such that a user could list any number of fields, whether they are necessary categories or "extra funds", and then their own personal calculator would automatically be created along with corresponding tables for those "saved funds".  However, I need to dabble a bit more with VBA before I could try to accomplish that. Then again, I might be the only person who considers this endeavor worthwhile. Even if that's the case, I'm still happy with my effort and look forward to doing more. And maybe watching my savings grow will prevent me from buying books and $5 DVDs from Wal-mart in favor of a shiny new tab—I mean—car.

I also must confess that I’m a fan of colorful things.

~Hazuki Goldair

P.S. Happy belated binary day on 11/11/11, which is when I started writing this entry. But as procrastination is one my unsavory talents, it wasn't finished for another two days. 

Woes of the Unemployed, Not-Quite-Graduated Student

I’ve heard that this has been one of the worst years for college graduates to find employment. In fact, while the U.S. national unemployment rate is 9.1%, the underemployment rate is 19.1%. That means people who have been unable to find full-time positions or jobs that fit their skills and experience have been forced to seek part-time employment or positions at low-wage jobs normally employed by high school and college students. On average, job applicants are competing for a position against 20.1 other hopeful hires.

Warning: Jobs may be given to others with more
experience who are also suffering from this
economic crisis and willing to work at the
same low price as recent grads.

I can feel the pain of those unemployed recent college graduates. Even more so because I haven’t officially graduated. Oh internship, how I long for thee so that I may number myself among the B.S. graduates*. But even then, I fear that it would be of little help in my unemployment status.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place**. Most desirable positions require a degree. A summer actuarial internship program requires an undergraduate student. These two added together equals an unsatisfied and unemployed undergraduate who has already completed all necessary coursework.

I’ve had several interviews (both phone and face-to-face), but so far they have gone nowhere. I feel that there’s no one willing to hire someone with my skills***. Granted, I’ve been a tad choosy about the types of places for which I’ve filled out applications. I mean, I’ve done my share of the minimum wage food establishment summer job. I wish to not add on to that experience†.

It gets tedious filling these out. It's especially
annoying to fill out the previous work experience
section when I have no relevant work experience
Yeah, thanks, real world.

What am I lacking†† that dissuades employers/HR personnel from giving me an interview or offering me the position—any position? I had a forty-five minute, decent and promising phone interview for a part-time bank teller position†††. But that was three weeks ago, and still no phone call/email for a face-to-face interview. Am I being overshadowed by other applicants with more experience or *gasp* completed college degrees? You’d think having (almost) completed a degree in mathematics would make me a highly desirable candidate. But apparently not.

The immature side of me wants to complain about the unfairness of it all. But my mature rational [sic] side reminds me that life isn’t fair. I just need to suck it up and keep trying. Which stinks‡, because I’m at the point where desperation may drive me in lowering my standards and applying to “undesirable” locations‡‡. Urgh… How am I supposed to get work experience if no one is willing to hire me‡‡‡?

Maybe I’m just feeling conflicted from all the dreams and aspirations I want to foster which sadly have little promise in a steady financial future. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I’ve begun to explore my options, expanding my creativity and dabbling in those long-held dreams♦. But I feel like I have to hold myself back from fully devoting myself to those things in favor of finding a reliable, financially secure career path, which requires professional experience.

In all honesty, I want a balance of both.

The pressure to find a decent job, pressure♦♦ to work on those creative projects, mixed with my low bank account and impending student loans make for an unhappy not-officially-graduated college student—who may spend copious amounts of time in the coming months banging a head♦♦♦ on the wall intermittently between applications for jobs and summer internships.

I fear that there is actually truth to this. In which
case, I'm doomed. I don't even have my Bachelor.

I almost wish there were more classes I had to take so that I could go back to school. Back to studying, tests, and lectures, away from this depressing business of the unfruitful job search. Then I remember that another semester (or two) would also require money. I’d be better off working part-time at McDonald’s♪. Under the assumption that they’re hiring, of course.

In short, “I can’t get no satisfaction”.

¡Adios amigos!

P.S. It would be ironic if I got a phone call for a face-to-face interview this week after posting this entry. I probably just jinxed myself by saying that though.

* Unemployed graduates

** Forgive the cliché

*** Which are completely awesome, if I say so myself

† I still have nightmares about it. Or at least, I’ve had one that I remember from a few weeks ago.

†† Besides relevant experience, a “diploma”, and required skills—which, again, requires the previously mentioned relevant work experience

††† I’m not giving up hope quite yet for a bank teller position. After applying at four different banks, I’ve had interviews with three of them. One of them is still an option, I hope. It takes almost a month before they schedule a face-to-face interview. I’ve spoken personally to the branch manager and he seems interested in hiring me, but he can’t interview me unless he gets the okay from the recruiter.

‡ I imagine the smell to be a mixture of sweat-soaked socks that were worn a few days too long inside manure-caked work boots. And someone tried to cover up the smell with moth balls and an overly flowery Glade aerosol freshener.

‡‡ Minimum-wage, dead-end jobs with no “relevant work experience” for my future career

‡‡‡ Even my own mother can’t offer me a job as an assistant to her position as manager of an apartment complex. And not because I lack the skills or anything like that.

♦ Underwater basket weaving is unfortunately absent from the list. Accumulating knowledge of the Harry Potter world via Pottermore, while a recent goal, is on the list.

♦♦ It’s more welcome than the pressure of finding a job at any rate.

♦♦♦ Including my own

♪ The day I work at a McDonald’s is the day after the zombie apocalypse ends and before extra-terrestrials invade to enslave our minds. Actually, the day I work at any establishment which involves frying shreds of chemically-enhanced potato spuds is applicable to the previous statement as well.

Three is the Magic Number (Yes It Is)

Words cannot describe the feeling of elation I am experiencing. Three times. Three times is what it took for me to pass the first actuary exam SOA/CAS/CIA Exam P/1. I thought I studied the first two times, but after what I did for this third attempt, I now realize that I hadn’t truly “studied” those other two times. Sure, I read through the material that would be tested on and I took a few practice tests. But my heart wasn’t really in it. Well, it was a little bit, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered to take any of the practice tests. And I thought I was busy the semester I took the test a second time*. Apparently, the secret is to overbook yourself. Not only was I taking 17** credits, working 16 or more hours a week, and fulfilling my duties as president of the university’s math society, but I devoted at least an hour of actuarial study each night. I actually got to the point where I would put off my computer science homework (which was really discrete math*** and therefore not that horrendous§) and willingly do practice problems from past SOA/CAS/CIA Probability exams.

Despite all that study, I was terrified the day I had to take my test. I felt like it was (and never would be) enough. I was fortunate to have a friend who was visiting me that weekend and had offered to drive me to the testing center (an hour and a half away). She made sure I went to bed relatively early (something I lacked the first two times I took the test), had a proper breakfast (something else I had lacked), and reassured me that everything would be fine (much better received in person than by your mother via text messages). But even with all her encouraging words, I felt like I had signed away my soul when I entered the Prometric Testing Center and was seated at one of the computers.

Three hours is a long time to sit in one spot. It’s even longer when your brain has to keep sending messages to your heart to slow down the pace before the poor girl goes into cardiac arrest. But I finished with 20 minutes to spare, even with double checking and making the best guess I could on one problem I just could not figure out dog gone it! The moment of truth. Click the submit button. Heart rate increases as I fill out a survey of my Prometric Testing Center experience. No, I don’t have any comments for improving the testing experience§§. Uh oh…next click will give the preliminary score (“successful” or “not successful”). Eyes squinting. Heart rate increases some more. “Congratulations! A preliminary analysis of your test results shows that you were successful in achieving the passing score established by the SOA/CAS/CIA for Exam P/1 (Probability).”

o_o

I passed?

O_O

I passed!

^___^

That was more than a month ago. And it was a great cause for celebration§§§. So the next step would be to find out what my score is. Which means having to wait approximately eight weeks.

A little explanation on how the scores work, since it’s not like normal standardized testing. During each testing window, the exam has a certain passmark (say 63%) where a person has to get at least that percentage of correct answers in order to pass. 63% is at least a 6 (out of a possible score of 10, but depending on the passmark, sometimes 10 is impossible to get). The higher the percentage above the passmark, the better score you get.

Okay, so I passed. Please let it be a 7 or an 8. I don’t want to have worked my butt off for the last three months† to get a mere 6. All I ask for is at least a 7. Proof that this was no fluke.

Well, the scores are officially out. And my prayers were answered. I got a 9. I’m still doing a (mental) happy dance.

I know that none of this would have been possible without divine help. I had to put in the effort to learn the material, but I got the extra help I needed. Not only during the three hours it took to take the first (of five or more) actuary exams, but also in my college courses this last semester††.

Now I can officially begin my career as an actuary. The next step is to find an internship†††, and then graduate with my degree in Applied Mathematics. I should also start studying for the next exam, Exam FM/2 (which is financial math, dealing with interest rates and such, at least what I have gathered from the few classes of the audited class I attended).

So my fellow bloggers‡, I wish you the best as summer approaches. Maybe some of your dreams or prayers will come true too.

Ciao!

~Hazuki Goldair

* Where my test was rescheduled due to a blizzard and I had to travel to another state to take the test a week later…which meant I spent most of that week not studying since I had finals coming up and major projects due as professors are wont to do at the end of every semester.

** 3 of those were audited, and I ended up not going to the class as I got so absorbed with studying for Exam P/1

*** From a computer science perspective, and much more torturous than the discrete math class I took my sophomore year

§ If you consider three hours worth of homework problems per section, along with quizzes on each reading before class, and mind-numbing torture three times a week as not being horrendous

§§ Except maybe playing classical music in the background. It wouldn’t be distracting at all. And if it is, the testing center has noise-cancelling headphones. Psh…classical music calms the soul.

§§§ I awarded myself by purchasing How to Train Your Dragon on DVD. :D

† Of serious studying

†† I somehow managed to get an A in my computer science class, despite my complete lack of studying for the final exam(s) and still somehow getting better than a 75% on both. Though acing the last project that I was tempted to turn in only half complete (before I felt guilty and finished it with an hour to spare) probably helped. Along with some extra credit.

††† Which has been proven difficult since I passed the exam so late, and most actuarial firms with internship programs already have their summer interns. I may not find something until next summer…which means I won’t be able to graduate (even though all my college course work is complete) until next summer. I sometimes curse the fact an internship or senior project is needed for my degree.

‡ People who follow this blog, invisibly stalking, or people who are randomly web surfing and upon random happenstance found this blog and actually spared a few moments to read all this hullabaloo (my hat’s off to you).

Math Insults

You would think after failing to pass the SOA/CAS Exam P/1 for the second time (that was an adventure*), I would be too consumed with studying (so that I finally pass and be able to find an internship for this summer), that I wouldn't even have time to think about writing a post on my blog. Especially when I have 17 credits**, work 16+ hours a week, and somehow manage to waste time on my computer every single day. *cough* And now I've just shamed myself***. Excuse me while I go study.

---several hours later---

Now onto the real reason for this post. Over the last few months, I've heard some awesome math "comebacks", thanks to the students I tutored.


"My relationships are like square roots. Most of them are irrational."


"You are the third derivative of position."




Gotta love math insults. Speaking of which, I decided to find more (via our good friend Google). And right off the bat--

"He probably thinks googol is a search engine."

"The intersection of her brain and reality, is the null set."

"You're as exciting as the derivatives of e^x."

These are non-math related, but some interesting tidbits I picked up from my classes thus far this semester.

• SCHOOL: Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives
• Pedantic: using big words for the sake of big words
• Polysyllabic: word of many syllables (oh how I love irony...and self-explanatory words)

And my favorite, while learning about the law of marginal utility§ in my economics class, my professor shared how it also applies to dating.

The "Law" of Marginal Utility of Dating

• The first (maybe even second) date is great
• Each date after that gives you less additional satisfaction
• You realize the same thing is occurring to the person you're dating
• That's why you marry in order to prevent him or her from finding someone else who will give them higher additional satisfaction, and before you reach zero additional satisfaction

Well, this was a really random post. But that's okay, because randomness is what makes a good (unbiased§§) sample in statistics.

May your derivatives eventually reach zero, and your integrals be constant.

*Blizzard, test rescheduled, had to take a shuttle to take my test a week later in a city four hours away >_< Not to mention I did worse than the first time I took the test
**Technically 14 credits and a 3 credit class I'm auditing, but still taking up time
***Happens quite frequently actually. Only when I tell others the things that I should be doing will guilt me into finally doing what needs to be done.
§This basically says for each additional unit of consumption (say a Snickers bar), the less additional satisfaction you get (your fifth Snickers bar isn't as good as the first).
§§[sic]