Ironic Confessions

Funny how things work out in life. Such as learning that a fault line runs directly under where you live. Or hearing that your laptop was stolen, but then returned within the few hours you were away at work. My favorite though is the phone call I received days after my last blog post—but from a bank I had become convinced was a dead end (in fact, the bank I was expecting to call me decided that a “possible temporary” leave next summer for an internship disqualified me).

Along with that step towards adulthood, I also received my first credit card. Awesome. Another tool to aid in the downward spiral known as debt. So far, I’m fighting against temptation. However, my first trial in resisting came about a few days ago when I had an epiphany.

Ever since e-readers (like the Kindle) came out on the market, I believed it was an egregious amount of money to enjoy something I could do for less than $5 a book (assuming of course, such books are bought used/”previously owned” from bargain bookstores—my current favorite is Half-Price Books). I still love reading books in their physical format, but I’ve begun to see the value of having everything in one place, readily accessible and easily portable (provided one buys an appropriate size for such purpose). After having most of my books boxed up in a storage unit over 1100 miles away, I came to the conclusion that I needed to re-evaluate my opinion of e-readers. But because I’m a geek who likes to dabble in a little bit of everything, an e-reader just won’t cut it. No sir. I need something with more power and adaptability than my cell phone, but more portable than my laptop. Answer? Tablet PCs.

Oh goody. Another toy to buy myself. I must say that I enjoy buying toys for myself. Especially of the gadget variety (I admit that I enjoy shopping for kitchen gadgets). And now that I have a job (finally!), I have some extra cash to burn.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

REALITY CHECK! I can’t just spend my (new) hard-earned money on a spur-of-the-moment decision! (Student loans and credit card purchases are also a detriment in my “spend cash” desire.) Well, now what? The idea has been planted in my head, and once I become attached to an idea (or book, movie, TV show, comfortable clothes, time off from work), it’s nearly impossible for me to let it go. Yes, I obsess. This is something I’ve known about myself ever since my friend labeled me as a fangirl. (I also admit that I knew I obsessed before I was told that, but I just didn’t want to admit it.)

Okay, so I can’t splurge. Next best option? Save up the money until I can afford it, obviously. Which led to the most ironic thing I’ve done all year: spending my entire day off from work to dabble in Excel using VBA in order to create a “budget calculator”. I confess that I rarely enjoyed the programming classes I had to take for my CS minor. I believed that programming was something I would never willingly do during my down time, let alone enjoy. This “budget calculator” proved me wrong. I actually turned down an opportunity for free food in order to continue working on this Excel file I had become immersed in. It was, dare I say it, fun! Not only did I get to dabble in math, but I also had the chance to implement some of the ideas I learned from my OOP class. I’m quite pleased with the result, but there is still room for improvement. Even more astonishing, I’m looking forward to improving it and having it do so much more than calculate a budget while creating “fund tables” for future purchases (such as a car and, of course, a tablet) and a savings account. I haven’t geeked out this much since my weeks studying for the SOA/CAS Exam 1/P actuary CBT. Quite a refreshing feeling I have missed in my summer of solitude.

These numbers are made up. In no way do they reflect my real-life earnings (as can be seen from the futuristic dates in the pics to the left and below). But basically, for my "budget calculator", all I need to do is enter the correct numbers in the two yellow boxes (in the pic above) and press that "Save" button. The VBA I slaved over then inserts new rows into the corresponding tables while maintaining a nice, thick outside border.

It's not as cohesive as I would like yet, nor is it quite multi-purposeful yet. My dream would be to make this calculator such that a user could list any number of fields, whether they are necessary categories or "extra funds", and then their own personal calculator would automatically be created along with corresponding tables for those "saved funds".  However, I need to dabble a bit more with VBA before I could try to accomplish that. Then again, I might be the only person who considers this endeavor worthwhile. Even if that's the case, I'm still happy with my effort and look forward to doing more. And maybe watching my savings grow will prevent me from buying books and $5 DVDs from Wal-mart in favor of a shiny new tab—I mean—car.

I also must confess that I’m a fan of colorful things.

~Hazuki Goldair

P.S. Happy belated binary day on 11/11/11, which is when I started writing this entry. But as procrastination is one my unsavory talents, it wasn't finished for another two days. 

Woes of the Unemployed, Not-Quite-Graduated Student

I’ve heard that this has been one of the worst years for college graduates to find employment. In fact, while the U.S. national unemployment rate is 9.1%, the underemployment rate is 19.1%. That means people who have been unable to find full-time positions or jobs that fit their skills and experience have been forced to seek part-time employment or positions at low-wage jobs normally employed by high school and college students. On average, job applicants are competing for a position against 20.1 other hopeful hires.

Warning: Jobs may be given to others with more
experience who are also suffering from this
economic crisis and willing to work at the
same low price as recent grads.

I can feel the pain of those unemployed recent college graduates. Even more so because I haven’t officially graduated. Oh internship, how I long for thee so that I may number myself among the B.S. graduates*. But even then, I fear that it would be of little help in my unemployment status.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place**. Most desirable positions require a degree. A summer actuarial internship program requires an undergraduate student. These two added together equals an unsatisfied and unemployed undergraduate who has already completed all necessary coursework.

I’ve had several interviews (both phone and face-to-face), but so far they have gone nowhere. I feel that there’s no one willing to hire someone with my skills***. Granted, I’ve been a tad choosy about the types of places for which I’ve filled out applications. I mean, I’ve done my share of the minimum wage food establishment summer job. I wish to not add on to that experience†.

It gets tedious filling these out. It's especially
annoying to fill out the previous work experience
section when I have no relevant work experience
Yeah, thanks, real world.

What am I lacking†† that dissuades employers/HR personnel from giving me an interview or offering me the position—any position? I had a forty-five minute, decent and promising phone interview for a part-time bank teller position†††. But that was three weeks ago, and still no phone call/email for a face-to-face interview. Am I being overshadowed by other applicants with more experience or *gasp* completed college degrees? You’d think having (almost) completed a degree in mathematics would make me a highly desirable candidate. But apparently not.

The immature side of me wants to complain about the unfairness of it all. But my mature rational [sic] side reminds me that life isn’t fair. I just need to suck it up and keep trying. Which stinks‡, because I’m at the point where desperation may drive me in lowering my standards and applying to “undesirable” locations‡‡. Urgh… How am I supposed to get work experience if no one is willing to hire me‡‡‡?

Maybe I’m just feeling conflicted from all the dreams and aspirations I want to foster which sadly have little promise in a steady financial future. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I’ve begun to explore my options, expanding my creativity and dabbling in those long-held dreams♦. But I feel like I have to hold myself back from fully devoting myself to those things in favor of finding a reliable, financially secure career path, which requires professional experience.

In all honesty, I want a balance of both.

The pressure to find a decent job, pressure♦♦ to work on those creative projects, mixed with my low bank account and impending student loans make for an unhappy not-officially-graduated college student—who may spend copious amounts of time in the coming months banging a head♦♦♦ on the wall intermittently between applications for jobs and summer internships.

I fear that there is actually truth to this. In which
case, I'm doomed. I don't even have my Bachelor.

I almost wish there were more classes I had to take so that I could go back to school. Back to studying, tests, and lectures, away from this depressing business of the unfruitful job search. Then I remember that another semester (or two) would also require money. I’d be better off working part-time at McDonald’s♪. Under the assumption that they’re hiring, of course.

In short, “I can’t get no satisfaction”.

¡Adios amigos!

P.S. It would be ironic if I got a phone call for a face-to-face interview this week after posting this entry. I probably just jinxed myself by saying that though.

* Unemployed graduates

** Forgive the cliché

*** Which are completely awesome, if I say so myself

† I still have nightmares about it. Or at least, I’ve had one that I remember from a few weeks ago.

†† Besides relevant experience, a “diploma”, and required skills—which, again, requires the previously mentioned relevant work experience

††† I’m not giving up hope quite yet for a bank teller position. After applying at four different banks, I’ve had interviews with three of them. One of them is still an option, I hope. It takes almost a month before they schedule a face-to-face interview. I’ve spoken personally to the branch manager and he seems interested in hiring me, but he can’t interview me unless he gets the okay from the recruiter.

‡ I imagine the smell to be a mixture of sweat-soaked socks that were worn a few days too long inside manure-caked work boots. And someone tried to cover up the smell with moth balls and an overly flowery Glade aerosol freshener.

‡‡ Minimum-wage, dead-end jobs with no “relevant work experience” for my future career

‡‡‡ Even my own mother can’t offer me a job as an assistant to her position as manager of an apartment complex. And not because I lack the skills or anything like that.

♦ Underwater basket weaving is unfortunately absent from the list. Accumulating knowledge of the Harry Potter world via Pottermore, while a recent goal, is on the list.

♦♦ It’s more welcome than the pressure of finding a job at any rate.

♦♦♦ Including my own

♪ The day I work at a McDonald’s is the day after the zombie apocalypse ends and before extra-terrestrials invade to enslave our minds. Actually, the day I work at any establishment which involves frying shreds of chemically-enhanced potato spuds is applicable to the previous statement as well.